oh so bitch so bitch,

lady, this is for you.

*roll my eyes so hard that they popped out of my head*

trust me,

love is always ALWAYS blind at the start.

wish my friend would wake up from her fairytale land back to reality.

this morning i went to office with my daddy, we'd passed by the new LASALLE-SIA building which was located at the back of Sim Lim. this new building is really so fascinating. the exterior it is totally black, adding the modern, bold, fresh and electrocuting elements right onto this artistically-inclined building.

today was it's "open house" day so saw lots of LASALLE students there.

6 months back, when i first got back my 'o' level results, the first school and course that popped up into my mind was LASALLE-SIA, fashion studies.

why?

why? i don't really know it myself.

right after i got back my results, i called up my formal art teacher and asked her what should i do if i wanted to enter into LASALLE ...

maybe it's because of the influences from my eldest sister.

right after her secondary school education, she went straight to NAFA for fashion studies. i asked her why and how did she made that suggestion, she told me, "Cos that was what i knew i wanted to do."

maybe it's because of her that spurred me.

after her 3 years NAFA, she went to a design university in London to get her degrees, and now she's in Shanghai working.

ok so my art teacher told me to do this do that and suggested that we meet up one day and she'll help me with it my prep work to enter LASALLE.

all of my friends around me said they'll be choosing business/ accounting courses, well, i was unmoved.

of course, business was the 2nd choice of mine.

at the day of registration, i place TP's fashion marketing and merchandising as my first choice.

business admin 2nd,

business a/c 3rd,

navigating 4th,

bla ...

so between the day of placing my choice down to the announcing results day,

my teacher met up with me.

she asked, "why do u want to take up fashion when business is a guarantee-earn-money-course? if u take up fashion, u might end up nowhere in the future. however, if u take up businees, u'll definitely have a job in the future."

after listening to her, my mindset was totally changed. my determination was weakened.

even i tried to psycho myself.

i told myself that being a artist/designer is not easy.

this industry is too wide a range cos' everyone has their own tastes/preferences, how are ur designs going to cater for everyone out there in this world? what if ur design is only being appreciated by a minority? there's no way u're going to survive. go to business! next time u'll definitely get a good office job, earn bucks and bucks everyday! easy money! sit on a chair, face the computer, do up accounts, bla ... *chingching* money into ur pocket!

so when i knew that i was posted to TP fashion, i was totally berserk. i prayed and cried everyday (no joke), i really didn't want to study fashion anymore, give me business, i don't want a future that's vague ... so i went for the 2nd application of choices.

now i got into business.
am i happy?
not really.
life's now revolving around a/c, econs, management, statistics.
the pple here (exclude the 4 flowers), are sooooo not what-i-want-the-people-around-me-to-be-like.
i like people to be outgoing, nice dressing sense, laugh and talk at something sensible, stop burying their heads in books for jesus's sake and can make me feel wanted !
today, i look at all the happy faces of LASALLE students, all pulped up with marvellous dressing sense, and i suddenly thought, "i wished i hadn't make the decision to come to business. maybe i'll just be like one of them ."

i questioned myself, "do u want a job that provides you satisfaction or money? you know you can't have both, so just choose 1."
and i chose satisfaction.
i was browsing through Vogue magazine, saw all LV, Gucci, Tod's, United Colours of Benetton, Moschino, Hermes Birkins, Theory, Chanel, Balenciaga, Dolce and Gabanna and etc. if there isn't a fashion merchandiser and fashion designer for these brands today, these models would be just in their birthday suits. these fashion designers/merchandisers earns OH-MY-JESUS-amount-of-money-each-year. well, that's only if u're being accepted by those fucking rich companies.

wellwellwell, i really wanna get out of business. but the matter is not i say i want to get out and i can get out. there's a lot of things that i got to consider ... damn, life's back to a square one.

KUA SIEW HWA, IF U MANAGED TO READ TILL THIS STAGE ... DON'T LET PARANOIA ENGULF YOU AND YOUR LIFE. WE'RE ALWAYS HERE TO PULL YOU BACK, STOP PONDERING OVER UNNECESSARY STUFFS. WE LOVE YOU !!! *KISSES KISSES HUGS HUGS*
*vomit over my mushy-ness*